Wesley took this one.
One week ago on May 3rd I got a call at around 3:00pm and it was from Arizona's Children (the agency who helped us get our foster care license last year). They told us they had a possible placement (which we have got many calls the same that haven't amounted to anything) They asked me if we would be willing to take in a newborn. I told them yes. They said they were having a meeting regarding him on Tuesday and if I was interested in getting him to come to the meeting. I was excited, but I didn't think it would happen. So I went about what I was doing....getting ready for our Family Home Evening activity at the park to celebrate my Aunt Leonda's bday! I got another call about 3o minutes later telling me that the placement could possibly happening today and asked if I would be able to pick the baby up from the hospital that day. They said they would let me know if that was happening in about 30 minutes. I figured I should probably finally shower for the day. I had so many feelings, I was excited, nervous, and I didn't know what to expect. I decided to kneel down and pray that if we were supposed to welcome this new little baby into our home that everything would work out....I was feeling good about it and in the middle of my prayer I got a call from the CPS caseworker asking me if I could meet him at the hospital at 4:30...it was now 4:05. I had just got out of the shower and I had my 3 kids I needed to find a babysitter for. I asked if he could make it 4:45pm so I could get my kids to someone's house. Good thing I live so close to family. I called my Dad and 10 minutes later he and my mom were over at my house picking up my kids and taking care of the situation. I had called Shawn and told him not to meet me at the park as previously planned, but to meet me at the hospital instead that we were going to get the baby after all. He was a little shocked, but excited too!
We had a really neat experience where they took us into a special room in the hospital to wait for the baby. When the closed the door and left Shawn and I in there alone to wait for the baby I got pretty emotional. I couldn't believe that this was actually happening. We started the process to get licensed to become foster parents in May 2009, we took 12 weekly 3 hour long classes, did background checks, got letters of recommendation and all sort of other stuff to get licensed. We finally finished that process in October 2009 and have been waiting for the perfect situation to come along. It did last Monday! When they wheeled that little baby into the room. I was amazed. I was excited. The first thing I saw was this head full of dark brown hair. There were security guards outside the room. The CPS worker, a hospital caseworker and a nurse in the room with us. They were all very kind to us. After about an hour of talking with the nurse, and signing some paperwork, they had Shawn pull our van up to the side entrance, to avoid any conflict with the parents and then I walked out followed by the guards, and nurse. The nurse kept telling us how grateful she was he got to come to our home and gave me a hug before we left. Let me tell you walking into the hospital not pregnant, and then walking back out 1 hour later with a brand new sweet little baby is quite an experience.
My kids were very excited when they got home from the park. Wesley kept asking if we got to keep him or not. That is the difficult part. We don't know. In the past week that sweet little baby has stolen my heart and it feels like he is mine. I love him and I am nervous and anxious to see what the first hearing that we have this afternoon will bring. We could have him for a very short time or it could go to adoption, which is what I am hoping for. It just feels so right having him as a part of our family, but Heavenly Father knows what is in our hearts and what is in this little sweethearts best interest. So if we keep him a few months or forever I am going to love him as long as I have him and give him what he deserves, a family who will love him, and nurture him like all babies should get. I just hope we can make a difference in his life like he has already made in ours. He is definitely a blessing and a wonderful Mother's Day gift.
When I was talking about the situation with my brother-in-law he brought up the quote
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.'Alfred Lord Tennyson
So that is going to be my quote to live by as we go through this experience. Everytime we went to the classes to get licensed we would go in kind of questioning if Foster care would be for us or not, and then we would come out 3 hours later knowing that we were doing what Heavenly Father wanted of us. We felt so good about it and now we are finally getting to do it. I just hope I can cope if it doesn't turn out how I want, as this sweet little baby as an eternal member of our family. I didn't think I would become so attached so quickly, but I think it is because this perfect little baby came as a clean slate, who is easy teach the correct behaviors as he grows, not a child who has learned so many incorrect things from neglectful parents and trying to get them to change their bad behaviors. Let's just say he is very easy to love. I can't post his name, that is why I haven't mentioned it yet.
So I am praying every day in gratitude for the experience and for strength to be ok if the outcome isn't what I want because I know it would feel like my own child was being taken from me. So only time will tell, but I am going to love him every minute I have him!
